Cassie made it 3 more days after the last post, and we decided to let her go.

Molly spent the last year having increasingly frequent seizures, but mostly was bouncing back.  She was getting increasingly disoriented in May, walking into walls a lot, and basically had lost her Mollyness.  She left us 10 days ago.

It is weird to have only 2 dogs, after years of 4, after years of 2.  Funny what you adjust to!

Cassie has had a couple more scares, but is still with us. For a dog who likely has stomach cancer, she is doing pretty well. Her appetite is good, but she lost 5 lbs in the last month.

Molly is averaging one seizure every 4 weeks, but other than that is good. They are both old and doddery, but they are 14 and 15, so…

The young ‘uns are as fractious as always.

I missed the thesis deadline. I think I am dropping it. I am not planning to enroll again this year, so I guess I have a year to decide. My heart is just SO!!!!!! not into it. It or what comes after finishing it. That makes motivation an issue! Life is just too short to torture yourself over something you “should” do. It 100% makes sense to finish the degree. Yup. However, I like my life much more when I am not working on it or thinking about that world at all.

HA!

Mother’s Day was fabulous. More about that with pictures of gardens later.

So the weekend went well, except that Cassie was throwing up and seeming sick. We decided to phone the vet first thing Monday morning. We got woken up to more barfing, so I called and got her an appointment for the afternoon. John took the crew outside while I was calling and Molly had another seizure. And this was the fun part of the day…

Molly recovered, after several hours of pacing around and running into things. This was her third seizure, and second in 2 weeks. We took her in with us to the vet, although there is really nothing that can be done at this point.

As for Cassie, we all figured that she was in kidney failure. So the vet drew some blood and asked for a urine sample, and warned us that this might be it. We took her out back and waited, thinking that we were going to have to put her to sleep that afternoon

It is hard to make a dehydrated dog pee. I took Molly home and called my Mom to come. Cassie drank water but after an hour still had not produced. She had always been funny about peeing anywhere but at home, so John took her home.

Mom and I got called back into the office and surprisingly, Cassie was not in kidney failure. She probably had an infection but they could not tell what was making her sick, but it was worth investigating. John came back with pee, and we checked her in for IV antibiotics and xrays.

The xrays showed a mass in her stomach, probably a tumour. We brought her home the next day with antibiotics, ulcer medication and special canned dog food. She had not been eating much, and she LOVES the canned dog food. They left the line in just in case she decompensated fast.

However, being a stoic border collie, 15.5 years or not, a week later she is still good. I took the IV line out Friday. She is eating and kind of perky. We are waiting to hear back from the vet about what she thinks, but she already warned us that things are not going to get better.

So do you euthanize a dog that likes her food, enjoys sitting out on the grass and wants to cuddle on the bed at night? Or do you wait until she is in pain and miserable again? If you know border collies, you know they don’t show pain until it is very bad. Finding that exact moment before the slide downhill starts again is tough.

It has been a bad week. Well, no, a bad week would have been everything ending in misery Monday. It has been a week of waiting , observing and feeling anticipatory loss.  But we are spending time with her and doing things that make her happy (she enjoys BBQ steak too) and that is a gift.

I went to Port Alberni with John and and then Parksville/Qualicum Beach with Mom, looking at thrift stores and such places. I have taken apart several watches, a camera, my old cell phone and tonight an old rotary phone. It is fun. John saw me surrounded by all the bits and said ” You are definitely your father’s daughter”. Yep, I love tools and dismembering things! Of course, my dad could put them back together again…

And I have been playing a computer game way too much. But I got a pedometer and walked 2727 steps today. That is 14 hours worth, anyway. The goal is 10 000 a day, so that will be a challenge!

It has been a weird week. I am not sure why, but something feels off and I am not sure what. Maybe all that sunshine is freaking me out!

1. State :: Official, funeral
2. Lively ::frenetic
3. Valet ::service
4. Traction ::snow tires
5. Official ::censure
6. Red hot ::Chili Peppers
7. Powder ::snow, blow
8. Replies ::CC, BCC
9. Flagrant ::delicto
10. Tweet::Roy Orbison

This is your brain.  This is your brain on crack.  Maybe I need to do some drugs because my brain is fuzzy and it is ridiculously free of mind altering substances (unless you count dog hair).

We have been watching the Riches and Wayne just had a crystal meth experience.  Some things you just want to (over)do.  It is a really good show and makes me realize that we watch an awful lot of downloaded programs, like Battlestar Galactica, Dexter, Weeds, that legal one with Glenn Close.  Because we only have basic cable.  Because John says there is nothing on the upper channels.  Obviously NOT!

I realized just before I got sick that when I have written papers before, over those many years, I always did a lot of research early, then freaked out at the end, generally got an extension of a couple of days, and handed in a great paper.  I did not write it in small steps, like they want.  I wrote all over the place, on whatever caught my fancy, then I literally cut it out (pre-computer!!!) and created a paper out of the bits.  I wrote connectors, edited it repeatedly, and I had a paper.

So I think I would be better off doing what has worked, versus continually hitting a roadblock immediately.  Knowing I will get no help from my advisor is also a large impediment, but as many other people working on their theses have told me, you get your thesis done in spite of your advisor.  Depressing and sad, but evidently true.

I am sick about talking about, writing about, thinking about and avoiding my thesis.  I want my life back!

Which would require me to work on it.  Now.

I borrowed this from Chocolate Syrup for the Soul:

Have you ever…
Bold the ones you’ve done…

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten engaged
91. Been in a movie (Only if you count a home-movie!)
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten married
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Gotten divorced
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Taken illegal drugs
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music (as long as it didn’t have to be good music)
112. Eaten shark..
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror..
125. Read – and understood – your credit report
126. Raised children.
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy.
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. …more than once? – More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (all of ‘em)
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes.
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read,
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them (that would be John and not because we needed them)
183. …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts (many times)
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested.
200. Skipped an entire week of work without calling in, and without getting fired.

Add one thing you have done that is not on the list: Told a police officer to go &^%( himself (no, it was not my brother, he really deserved it and I did not get into trouble – although I was at work and people wondered why I was yelling…)

What exactly is a sweater vest? I have always wondered. I bet my grandfather wore them. This week it is HP and the Goblet of Fire. I wonder if Phoenix is on next week? I guess a new movie must be coming out soon. I have never been called for jury duty, but figured if it was anything to do with violence, I would be disqualified. Too much work with victims to be truly impartial, especially around sexualized and “domestic” violence.

I have been excavating my desk, in preparation of getting back to the thesis. It is due in just over a month, so time is very tight. I even renewed my library books! I decided earliet this week to dump the degree again, but after 10 minutes changed my mind. I just really want it done and that is going to take some self-discipline.

My thesis crew, watching me, always watching…

As always, I am being pulled in 2 directions.  Sigh. I suck at this balance thing. Of course, a thesis leaves little room for much else, especially when you leave it to the last minute… (and to be fair, keep getting sick!)

Molly had another seizure yesterday. She seems fine now, but it is stressful for all of us.

A mix of trades I love and things I bought. I hit several junk places and got good loot!

The picture in the middle with blue leaves is one of my fave things. It is a photograph by Robert Buelteman, whose work I absolutely adore. If you like photography, you need to go look at his website. It is astounding what he does! I was lucky enough to spend some time with his amazing wife, Julie, who is a terrific artist herself!

I somehow managed to win a raffle prize at ArtFest. I guess it is not that bizarre, since I bought tickets! However, it is a $100 gift certificate for any Golden product. I think I am probably the only person at AF that said, huh? I had no idea what they made, because it is paints, mediums, gesso etc – stuff i never use. The products are gorgeous, lovely colours. But I am metal/glass chick…

I am thinking of selling it, so if you like Golden and want a deal, let me know…

Oh, and I signed up for classes at Art & Soul Portland

]]> http://paperwhite.wordpress.com/2008/04/24/last-artfest-post-really/feed/ 3 Janine AF stuff more AF stuff Golden http://paperwhite.wordpress.com/2008/04/20/bath-time-and-corrupting-innocents/ http://paperwhite.wordpress.com/2008/04/20/bath-time-and-corrupting-innocents/#comments Mon, 21 Apr 2008 03:27:26 +0000 Janine http://paperwhite.wordpress.com/?p=208 ]]> And from last night, a story in pictures.

Haley really likes pear cider now…